After a Sizeable Absence…

Greetings, Dear One! I’ve thought of you often, from within the haze that hangs around this time passed… and thanks to an unseemly amount of leaded coffee late today at a Saturday Market Board retreat, I am all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when ordinarily I’d be deep in that other equally valid and engrossing world, my dreams.

It’s now been decreed that my husband is in Stage #4 of kidney failure. Upon scuffling around a bit on the Internet, we discovered that there are only 5 stages– the last is dialysis and transplant, which he has dismissed as beneath his dignity. (He watched a brother-in-law die by choice after a failed transplant). So.

We also learned– not from the specialist, but from a hospice worker– what my husband REALLY wanted to know: that kidney failure is a beautiful way to go. One falls asleep, body systems shut down one at a time, and you slip away peacefully, a good death. He is relieved, and might I say revitalized?, even with so little energy available… my oh so clear hindsight informs me that he mustve been quite intimidated by all the unknowns he faced.

The past year has been SO TIRING…. for the past few days, a 2-hour nap has been utter bliss and utterly necessary!! and now I am giving up WAITING, and am re-engaging. There are islands of melancholy to navigate around. I am not willing to spend time sitting on them at this point… Richard is still alive, still bringing laughter out of me a few times a day with his wry observations, still quite huggable.

Okaayyyyy…. I’ve got FOTOS to post. Hum now. Looks like I need a little talk with my Webmistress, what ‘s a URL?? Signing off ’til next time, MUCH SOONER than since the last time! Promise!!