Greetings on the occasion of another Sunday sunset!
Today I am dealing with the continuing repercussions of…. my husband’s stroke on 10th April. (How can one say such a thing and have it be other than a mallet smacking into the conversation??)
No, he’s fine! compared to what one conjures up as a standard stroke survivor… there’s a LOT to be said about this whole event, and our medical handling of it (or not), and I’ll be getting into that in future postings… but… this evening I’ll admit to having been knocked out of orbit for a while now. Maybe you’ve also had dislocating events in your life or vicinity, it surely seems to be a common occurrence these days. Here’s a nice explanation of the mechanism of Change from a book on Caregiver Support:
First, something ENDS.
Then… you find yourself in a Wilderness– wandering aimlessly lost and seemingly alone, falling into boggy places, hit by unexpected emotions at unpredictable times and places… This continues for awhile.
Finally: one comes to a New Beginning.
There are times when I drift into bogs again, but nowadays struggle out pretty quick.
It’s really easy to put all energies to the one in crisis. Seems logical and necessary… but suddenly the supporter(s) are all crumbling. I’m learning how to keep myself steady in face of my Dearest’s ups & downs, how to actually go off and DO SOMETHING just for ME, not a familiar activity at all, as my mantram has always been “How can I be of service?”– usually a total outflow in the creative realm. Mother of Many, living in the woods also inclines one in that direction… I’m breaking training, quite fun, actually– massage, oxygen bar, dinner out alone for a couple hours… highly restorative.
After all, it’s not selfish to take care of oneself, it’s HONEST. How can I be any good for anyone/thing else if I’m all in pieces???
Wishing you the foresight to remain intact.
Oh Darling,
I’m so sorry, how difficult this time must have been! You do seem to have found some good answers, though. Taking care of yourself is definitely a high priority. You are so wise. I wonder if that’s part of Queenhood or just your way. Now, what does one do if when fitting into two categories, as you know I do? I guess maybe I’m a Queen Mother? Certainly the Mother of a Queen; she’s riding high on her status of a soon-to-be Exeter student. I’m having a very hard time with her going away so young. But I’m still Mother. I am looking at all the things I’ll have time for and preparing spaces for them. If I don’t stay highly active I’m afraid I will be in a soggy bog missing her.
Hope Hubbie is riding out this storm well.
Dragon Hugs & Fairy Kisses,
Your Geminii Sister from NH