These Times…

Dear One….

Nowadays I am living over a lake of grief.  The waters are dark and still– however,  I know they are warm, and strange as it might seem, somehow comforting…

Most times I paddle around easily, but any event in daily life that causes a wave is likely to dump me in:  I’d be chatting along with someone and maybe something is just said or an image passes by that tips the boat– throat tightens, voice is stopped, and tears spill out of my eyes.  Oops!!  Often there isn’t any obvious connexion to the Coming Event at Hand (my husband’s gradual decline and inevitable leave-taking) and the wave just overtakes me… 

The Oregon coast is prone to the Sneaker Wave phenomenon and so am I. 

Production is the basis of morale, and I am catching myself with far Far FAR too many projects stacked up all around like some sort of moat:  nothing can reach me if I can hardly reach my sewing machine over the piles of garments cut out!!  Wool of course is a natural insulator.  Praise be for my wool habit!

The logsplitter is an especial friend in this way– bolts of firewood surround the 2 of us and a couple hours flies by.  (Earphones are an added bonus.)  And there is the satisfaction of empty space in the woodshed growing smaller as the True Wealth of Winter Firewood builds up.

Here’s another good analogy to how Life passes these days:  like a bandaid being pulled off slowly.  Counting up, I see that I’m moving into Life #5 in this body… yet another radical change in the offing!  And, really, no way to predict or anticipate, only this moment and maybe next week. 

I’ve started the Vest Pocket List– of folks who have said, Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.  What blessings!  The list is substantial.  Now, what’s the likelihood that this woman, who has spent her life on Outflow, could actually ASK for anything????  when Time is the only remedy for pain (isn’t it?)

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4 Comments

  1. These times in deed, in the expansive desert of central australia my grief too over whelms swells and lessens. A man both very dear and close to me has left and I ride his journey with him doing the things I must to help him on his way with no regrets, saddness and loss of course, but memories and visions and understanding that comes in the course of the lose of our closest friend. Our dearest heart! Be they one of many. How did I find your site, I was searching felt, as that is what I do, after a day of drawing my friend, listening to his music and carrying out the day to day work of finalising and living. I even had time to make a felted blanket for a young friends new babe amongst all these things. I let his spirit gently guide me through my day by what I know of his wisdom and love and depth of soul. May your husband go freely and surrounded by much love, my heart is with you in this lonely place of loss.

  2. Very dear and precious Deer of wisdom and Earth
    My heart is with you and your dear dear mate and companion at this time. May all the trees and world of plants radiate a comforting earthly energy to your abode at this time, may the Trees enwrap you both in their embrace.May the air and wind blow room to understand and be with the movement at hand and may your glowing wood Fire warm your hearts and bodies and maintain your inner lamps when you most need to draw form their light of knowledge and deeper leaning on some eternal compssionate reviving Powerful truth regarding what you are both experiencing .Dear child of this earth and this life,please find some comfort and sustain your spirit as this faraway bearhug is sent to you form Nohar of Israel.Loving licks and nuzzling and shed hair from wonderful Durga , happy sw eet big dog. Ayala,you take care now my dear and hang in there.love Nohar
    who lets me share life with her

  3. Hello, I purchased your second needle felting book last weekend, and felt compelled to come and tell you that your delightful work has truly inspired my creativity. I am very sorry to hear of your loss and learn that you are grieving; I hope my words can bring you some cheer.

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