Nowadays I am living over a lake of grief.Â The waters are dark and still–Â however, Â I know they are warm, andÂ strange as it might seem, somehowÂ comforting…
Most times I paddle around easily, but any event in daily life that causes a wave is likely to dump me in:Â I’d be chatting along with someone and maybeÂ something is just said or an image passes byÂ that tips the boat–Â throat tightens, voice is stopped, andÂ tears spill out of my eyes.Â Oops!!Â Â Often there isn’t any obvious connexion to the Coming EventÂ at Hand (my husband’s gradual decline andÂ inevitable leave-taking) and the wave justÂ overtakes me…Â
TheÂ Oregon coast is prone to the Sneaker Wave phenomenon and so am I.Â
Production is the basis of morale,Â and I am catching myselfÂ with far Far FAR too many projects stacked up all around like some sort ofÂ moat:Â nothing can reach me if I can hardly reach my sewing machine over the piles of garments cut out!!Â Wool of course is a natural insulator.Â Praise be for my wool habit!
The logsplitter is an especial friend in this way– bolts of firewood surround the 2 of us and a couple hours flies by.Â (Earphones are an addedÂ bonus.)Â And there is the satisfaction of emptyÂ space in the woodshed growing smallerÂ as the True Wealth of Winter Firewood builds up.
Here’s another good analogy to how Life passes these days: Â like a bandaid being pulled off slowly.Â Counting up, I see that I’m moving into Life #5 in this body… yet another radical change in the offing!Â And, really, no way toÂ predict or anticipate, only this moment and maybe next week.Â
I’ve started the Vest Pocket List– of folks who have said, Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.Â What blessings!Â The list is substantial.Â Now, what’s the likelihood that this woman, who has spent her life on Outflow,Â could actually ASK for anything????Â when Time is the only remedy for pain (isn’t it?)